What a fucking day. i have this killer sinus infection. My whole fucking face hurts. I keep trying to pretend that i will be better for the start of work but i doubt it. Its slowly moving down into y neck. this cannot be good. But i ralleyed for this job interview. i am to sick to even get into that, it went fine
But after i had a smoke date. Trying to meet new people. But i had my reservations. It went so poorly that i m gonna use his real name. Tim from Poughkeepsie new york. Ladies you know a tim from his area i suggest you check his phone. Anyway so first of he doesn’t like PETS!. who the fuck doesn’t like dogs. we walked to smoke it was all complaints. Where i lived was crappy and over priced. All of these type of condos are apparently. Then it was all i live in the middle of nowhere. I like living in the country. I am active looking to buy a house out here, i love living where there are stars. Now downside was there was a crap ton of mosquitoes. They sucked and i have plenty of bites. Now let me say i made it clear from the get with this guy that i didnt want to have casual sex. Its not like im above casual sex i just happened to have a pretty good idea of the sexual history of those i have had casual sex with.
So anyway Timmy. Well timmy doesn’t like pets. has a acura legend that he wants me to droll over like i have never seen a nice car. Anyway, who doesn’t like my dog1 BUT I DIGRESS. anyway we smoke attempt small talk i said i new how to do some plumbing. He was above that only lays new pipe. It was weird and i was already thinking on how to get rid of him. So later tonight he texts me asks what i think i said some nice shit as i tend to feel obligated to do. He was like he just wants sex. I was like not interested he was like it okay I HAVE A GIRL.
i mean WTF, he begged to send me a picture of his cock. i was not interested. He talked about wanting to lick my ass. I was not interested. and the whole time he has a girlfriend. who does such skeevy shit. I was straight from the get and he thought he could talk me into it, Sorry i have self worth. and to think i put myself together with sick for him. At least someone else smoked me up. Honestly though i am like a magnet for taken me. JB from college -girlfriend. R had a girlfriend when we first hooked up. B has a girlfriend he lives with and who he knocked up while he was talking to me. Im sure at least once J has ben seeing someone and phone sexed me. what is it about me that screams i love to help men cheat???]
so i got a job. and for those of us with mental health issues working is a mixed blessing. I am pleased that i will have money. Ill be making 10.25 an hour. so yay pot money. but i will be responsible to someone else. a large someone else. Lowes. They drug test so i have been drug free since wednesday. It blows. My anxiety is thru the roof. I took a crying nap on my sofa today. its one am an i cant sleep. I dont know what to do right now. But on the plus side after tmrw i will be able to smoke which will be nice. Maybe i can sleep which would be nicer, I have been taking ambien. i d0nt recommend it. frankly it makes me slutty. i don’t want to be so slutty. ambien is the devil. It kills all impulse control. How that is legal but pot is not is beyond me. who knows. lets see how work goes.
i am too tired to function. normally this is when other people with Borderline Personality Disorders would get into dangerous mind sets. Cutting, Suicide attemps, obsesesive situations. Im not just throwing shit out i have been there. But now i am sort of beyond tht unless i am really upset. Pot helps. People with mental health disaorders are so often told to stay away from drugs. I disagree with it entirely for pot. Its are to want to cut your arms when you are high. YOu would rather just take a nap. And for people with as strong mood swings as i can a nap is preferable. Its when i cant nap that i have an issue. Roght now by bed is filled with feathers. They are in my hair and in my things.
i set my blanket on fire. Again.
im 28 this should not happen. side effect of the cymbalta or the pot. i couldnt tell you but i certainly am forgetful.
so i am falling down tired but i have to clean my room. its two days past dirty, one day past flithy and one day from being a public health issue. I blame my dog