wroking ranting moving forward walking back

Its been so long since i wrote here. Well long for me anyway. Working at the big store has kept me surprisingly busy. As has R’s break up form his lasted number. He has done so much growing up and its great but as we know she was not so on my good side so now i would like to punch her in the face. I am thinking about moving back home.Trying to get a job at a lowes down there. Saving money to get a car. It would be a rough exsistence but what the hell else am i gonna do up0 here in this hippie town. I love it up in New England, But u need to be by myu friends meeting new people. R’s number three/five would be happy to have me home. She is incredibly happy ad i am so happy for her,. Her new Beau is perfect for her. Im on fb hiatus. t causing me to stalk R ever so slightly. I dont know why. I can never really get that boy off my brain. I hate when he is single it screws with my head just a touch. We got into the most insane fight over Christmas cards. i just wanted him to stop being a child. He hated all of them her would help. It was a mess. We made up fairly quickly which is good. L and J are (LJ) are at it again. fighting like crazed people. I dont know anymore if i cn help them. They ar both really unhappy yet scared to let go. Its hard. Lets see about my other boys. B is still forever a horn dog. he and is drama mama seperated. it was a crazy thing. But judging by his taste in me its clear he likes em crazy just like R. I sure do know how to pick them. J has vanished like he was never here. Im starting to get over it. Im starting to wonder if he did it for my own good. Im starting to wonder if i was just so awful that people cant be around me. Im starting not to care if i am


The other growing issue in my life is POT. as some of you out there know i have a borderline personality disorder. It makes life difficult. and i can obsess. So i smoke. Which is in increasingly bigger issue. because the parents hate the smell. It drives them into crazy people. We fight i yell they yell i cry. its crazed. its one of the reasons i want to go home. Even if it means living in C’s living room. And I am not even really talking to him. But his parents gave GAVE him a house, who does that shit? And with the whole family coming for christmas. Oh the holidays. The time where you want to kill your loved ones. I cannot not smoke for all of that. It will be entirely to much. on the plus side i have a brand new nephew so maybe walking around with him will calm me. But still they all seem to think being stones will cause me to hurt the child. Drunk people have bee handling babies for millenia i think tht a little bit of pot wont kill me

The second sister is knocked up. So i am giving up my room to her. Unsure of why entirely. It not that i dont want her to be comfortable. Its that i have to work about half the time they are here. I want space away from people. Because seriously people are a lot. Oh i guess i should specify that she is happily married.. So back to pot. I mean i live in one of the many states considering legalization so its hard for me to consider that i shouldnt be smoking. especially in lieu of like Xanax. its so upseting to me that the rest of the world cant see it that. 


About livingincrazy

im a 28 year old woman living with a borderline personality disorder that has stunted my life and left me without the futre i thught i would have. This is my life trying to move foward and show others they are not alone. I found there t be lots about thse people who deal with others who have this disorder but not many voices of those of us who have it

Posted on December 20, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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